Unhappy with item color.
• Unhappy with item style.
• Happy with item color and style, but unhappy in general and projecting onto item.
• Happy with item color and style, but removing item required a warmup stretch, a can of WD-40, and a four-day juice cleanse.
• Item arrived defective.
• Item arrived defective at reproducing euphoric rush of purchasing item thirty-six hours ago.
• Not satisfied with size.
• Not satisfied with fit.
• Not satisfied with size or fit because accidentally purchased a ferret tunic.
• Size and fit perfectly fine, but still disappointed—perhaps because Todd was right: nothing is ever good enough for me.
• Item requires total overhaul of current Spanx inventory.
• Package arrived too late.
• Package arrived too early; startled by package.
• Item not as described.
• Item exactly as described, but purchased just for the colorful tissue paper.
• Drunk-ordered.
• Drunk now.
• Item either arrived damaged or is supposed to have these shoulder cutouts for some reason.
• Item too large.
• Item too small.
• Item somehow both too large and too small; designer appears unfamiliar with general shape of human-woman torso.
• Changed mind about item.
• Changed mind about item after accidentally lighting item a little bit on fire.
• Too flammable.
• Not flammable enough.
• Item clearly designed by someone who hates fabric and wants to make it suffer.
• Thought item was shirt; actually dress.
• Thought item was dress; actually replacement cover for ikea ektorp ottoman.
• Item no longer needed.
