Please Select a Reason for Your Clothing Return


Unhappy with item color.

• Unhappy with item style.

• Happy with item color and style, but unhappy in general and projecting onto item.

Illustrations by Amy Hwang

• Happy with item color and style, but removing item required a warmup stretch, a can of WD-40, and a four-day juice cleanse.

• Item arrived defective.

• Item arrived defective at reproducing euphoric rush of purchasing item thirty-six hours ago.

• Not satisfied with size.

• Not satisfied with fit.

• Not satisfied with size or fit because accidentally purchased a ferret tunic.

• Size and fit perfectly fine, but still disappointed—perhaps because Todd was right: nothing is ever good enough for me.

• Item requires total overhaul of current Spanx inventory.

• Package arrived too late.

• Package arrived too early; startled by package.

• Item not as described.

• Item exactly as described, but purchased just for the colorful tissue paper.

• Drunk-ordered.

• Drunk now.

• Item either arrived damaged or is supposed to have these shoulder cutouts for some reason.

• Item too large.

• Item too small.

• Item somehow both too large and too small; designer appears unfamiliar with general shape of human-woman torso.

• Changed mind about item.

• Changed mind about item after accidentally lighting item a little bit on fire.

• Too flammable.

• Not flammable enough.

• Item clearly designed by someone who hates fabric and wants to make it suffer.

• Thought item was shirt; actually dress.

• Thought item was dress; actually replacement cover for ikea ektorp ottoman.

• Item no longer needed.